Unfriended Friend

I still remember the first time I spoke with her. It was on a phone call.

A call from an unknown number, I picked it up, “Hello!”

“Rajesh?” unusual sweet voice that uttered my name

“Yes” (With a smile on my face)

“Hi Rajesh, This is Sneha……”

That is how our conversation started..

Her English was impeccable that I thought how I am going to interact with her when I meet her. I was all along managing with my elementary English. On contrary, her heavy accented English was so natural that I feared talking to her.

The D-day arrived. I walked into the hall and shook hands with her.

“Hi Sneha, Epadi irukeenga” which means Hi Sneha, How are you. I was deliberate in using my native tamil language in the fear of matching up to her proficient English skills.

“Semmaya irukaen rajesh” came the reply in a flash. Her native tamil broke the ice and soon we bonded.

From being strangers, to acquaintance to friends.. Our relationship was moving up the chain. We were at ease with each other and our talks broke the chain of formalities. We spoke everything under the sun. We agreed to disagree on many topics & talked at length on Music, Movies and books. We could easily connect with each other.

Soon we became the envy of our environment. Sneha & I were thickest of friends and believed that no force can separate us. That is when something happened. Something terrible happened.

WE FOUGHT. A molehill turned into a mountain and the mudslinging was happening at full throttle. Egos’ were full blown.  Sneha & I stopped talking. Not for hours, not for days but months together.

I used to talk to her Watsapp DP thinking as though she will talk back. It was painful to see her online yet not to hear a word from her.

Sneha used to say, “If I can stay not talking to you for a week, I can stay not talking to you for lifetime”.

I didn’t take her words seriously. How can one fight break the strong bonds of friendship that was cemented all these years?, I thought.

She was right. I realized she could go without talking to me for lifetime. The castle was crumbling infront of my eyes and I wondered what I can do to save it.

I watsapp-ed her.. the blue tick never appeared,

I called her several times. Her phone was busy. The least I expected was her call back.

Today I went through her facebook profile.

I looked at her Profile picture, how could she happily smile without talking to me? A thought engulfed me.

I looked into her eyes that once pulled me towards her,

I looked at her lips, words that emanated through it promised to never leave me stranded,

And her smile.. That big smile today signalled that she was better off without me..

I moved my cursor in search of the “Like” button. For some strange reasons it was missing. I flipped through the older pictures. With every refresh the “Like” & “Comment” button vanished.

I went to her profile page. What I saw hurt me so much.

It said, “Add Friend”

So my best friend Sneha has actually unfriended me.

Hmm… Words were hard to come by and I’m short of words to express it here too

“I wished that someday we clear our misunderstandings. We have done it before. Why can’t it work now?” I quipped to myself

More than anything, the feeling of not wanted hurt me so much. It is the worst for someone to go through.

I had an urge to send her a friend request but knowing Sneha I know she has moved miles in life and the best gift that I could give at the moment is some peace of mind.

If my absence is what will make her happy, it’s my duty to give it to her for my unconditional love towards her is real

Wherever you go, whatever you do..you will be cherished Sneha.

I will not remember you henceforth for I have not forgotten you in the first place.

Life without speaking to you, listening to you & feeling you is going to be very difficult but like you always say, LIFE HAS TO MOVE ON…

Never leave a Phone call unattended...

I saw her lying in the bed.. She was draped in green nightwear, her hair was dry, dark circles around her eyes was so dark that seemed like she hadn't slept for so many days.. A black magnetic band was placed around her head to make the nerves relax & put her into deep sleep.

She would take months to recover from her depression..

With tears filled in my eyes, I walked down the corridor of the hospital praying for Rani’s recovery.

I wondered how if only he had picked her call she wouldn't have to go through all of this..

{1 month before}

Rani, calm, level headed girl was full of life. Anyone would mistake her silent introverted nature to arrogance. She would hang out with her friends, share the LOL moments but deep down she knew no one was close to her except Ravi.

She had enough of people who would fake a smile, flower praises for sake of it and shower endearments as long as she was around. She hated it.. hated it for all the smiles, praises and endearments weren’t manifested into action.

She was right too. Most of her calls were unanswered and all her messages didn't elicit any response from people whom mattered the most to her.

She would blurt out her feelings to ravi. Ravi would pacify her saying, “Everything is going to be alright”. At times he would put up a case to play a balancing act and explain how other person was busy that they didn’t pick his call too.

But deep down Ravi knew what their mutual friends did was not right. A call back (or) message reply is the least she expected. Ravi knew Rani was expecting too much from her friends for whom she matter nothing. He was afraid to say that to rani for he didn’t want to hurt her tender heart.

The disappointments were slowly building up rani’s heart and mind.

On a bad day which turned out to be quite often, she called her friends but no one responded. She tried to message her friends but as she was about to do it, she stumbled upon her innumerable messages that were never answered from her friends.

She stared at their name on her mobile phone and choked.

Don’t I deserve even a call back? Am I not worth that too? (Questions lingered in her mind)

She called Ravi to tell how she felt..

Ravi who had by now had enough of rani’s rants choose not to pick her call this time. She called several times but ravi didn’t relent.

That was like the last straw on the camel’s back. She cried, yelled “pick my call ravi” and fainted..

She was so loud that her parents rushed to her room and took her to a hospital.

Today Rani is being treated for Acute Depressive Disorder.

I wondered how if only he had picked her call she wouldn’t have to go through all of this..

I came out of the hospital with sweaty eyes promising myself that I would never leave a phone call (or) message unattended for it may save someone’s life…

Life Lesson from the Coffin

Date: 4^th January 2013

Place: St. Mary’s Cemetery

Joseph, 70 year old man died of Cancer. All were standing around the coffin. Absolute silence engulfed the place. After offering flowers, near & dear one’s of Joseph closed their eyes to pray one last time for the departed soul.

As the prayer went on, John, Joseph’s Son had a strange feeling of someone patting his arms.

He opened his eyes and couldn’t believe what he saw. His dad, Joesph cladded in white suit was talking to him. He first yelled but no one could hear him except his dad..

“Son, I have never spent time with you yet I have a piece of advice to make your life beautiful.. Lend me your ears for sometime son..this is the last chance I have to speak to you“ said Joseph

“Born into a close knit family and being the only son, my dad & mom doted on me. Everything I desired was offered. Even during the hard days, they would move a mountain to give what I desired. They loved me so much. I loved my parents too for they went extra mile to keep me happy but I never expressed my love to them. During my years in high school I was introduced to Smoke, Drink & Stuff’s by the bad company. What started as a cool stuff soon became addictive. One day, while I was injecting myself with Cannabis, my mother tried stopping me. I couldn’t explain how much I wanted it. I pleaded her, I begged her, I warned her, she resisted...... I broke her head with a Beer bottle.

She collapsed. Soon she was on a pool of blood. I was petrified. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I ran away from that place for the fear of being prisoned.  That night I sat by the riverside & cried for the act I just committed. Did I kill the person I loved the most? What pained me even more was I never took a chance to explain them what they (parents) mean to me.

Years passed by and I found yet another Addiction, Your Mother’s love. When everybody chooses to see the bad in me she saw the good. One look into her eyes, I melted away son. If you are seeking a wife just like your mother, forget it! She was the best and not replaceable J.  Best part about her was she never put restrictions on me. I was still the bad ass who smoked weed and came home drunk. Yet she never complained. Instead she did something phenomenal. Day by day, Month by month she increased the dosage of love. I loved her but was always short of words & actions to express my love. You don’t believe it but I was made that way.

When you visit home for holidays, I wanted to take you out may be for a movie (or) weekend cycling (or) a walk by the riverside. But I never had the courage to ask you for it. We were never in talking terms for a long time and I admit that my ego never let me do want I wanted to do. The love for you was eclipsed by my God-Damn Ego.

You may think why I am rambling all these things to you today. Lying in the coffin listening to the words of praise you all have for me, I only wish I had a chance in real to tell you how much I love you all” said Joseph with tearing rolling down his eyes.

Joseph stopped for a moment, wiped his tears and continued,

“Up in heaven I will tell my Mum how much I loved her,

I will tell my wife how she is the best and will express all my love,

But today I want you to know this “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SON”

John, I haven’t left anything for you to inherit but I will be more than happy if you realize that “In Life, When you Love someone, it is better to show them your love than telling them”. This act of showing your love will change your life remarkably, this act of showing your love will result in strong relationship, and this act of showing your love will result in a world which is far better to live in.

Love you.. God bless You!

When do you realize a Person's worth?

I was waiting in the airport today to pick up one my good friend from Sri Lanka. The flight was delayed and just when I wondered how the next 30 minutes is going to go, I was lucky to witness one of the touchy moments in a person’s life.. This blog is all about capturing that intimate relationship between a Mother and her son.

Time: 8:45 AM

A lady in her early fifties, moderately built, draped in a green saree was anxiously glancing at the arrival schedules.. She was keenly waiting for her son’s arrival.

After her husband’s death, she had toiled hard to raise her son. Her life revolved around him. She saved every single penny to muster enough money to raise her son and fund his foreign education.

Now, It’s been two years since her son went abroad to complete his education. He is coming home to see his mother before boarding another flight to some other part of this world for work.

As time went by, the single mother was restless. She was in no mood to wait to see her son. Finally the most sought after moment became a reality. Her son stepped out of the airport in Jeans & T. Shirt. Seeing him after 2 years, she was all smiles. I could see a shine in her face. The son came out, Mother reached out. Both looked into each other’s eyes. A Deep silence prevailed. She spread her arms & hugged him tight. The hug was so tight that nothing could pass between them..not even air.. I was witnessing the sense of pride in the mother’s eyes & equally elated son. For the next 5 minutes, no words were uttered yet they spoke the unspoken language..LOVE… The overwhelmed mother kissed him on his forehead & cheeks. They moved towards the car holding each other’s hands..

Being a witness to this sight, I wondered what makes that Mother  & Son relationship special. There may be various reason but something that immediately stuck me was ”DISTANCE” . In relationship, at times we take the other person for granted, not realizing their true value unless they leave us. Husband & Wife, Parents & Children (or) any other relationship, I think at times distance is what makes us realize the value of a person. The days spent without them, the hours spent thinking about them and minutes spent with them keep reminding us about how much he/she is worth. Needless to say, It is only in the absence of people we realize their worth.

If you have come this far, then I have only this to say. Get in touch with your kith n kin, loved ones who mean a lot to you.. wherever they are, any country it may be, call them and the tell them what that Single Mother whispered into her son’s ears, “I LOVE YOU”.. because it is only in the absence of our loved one’s we realize their worth.