Until now I have come across atleast half a dozen ppl who wish to stay single throughout their life.. and this blog is as a result of the conversations(Oops! Sorry. Read it as confrontations) I had with them..
Disclaimer: Utmost care has been taken to avoid male chauvinistic remarks, however any comments that may seem to be biased towards a gender or section of society are not intentional.
While there may be various reasons for one to take this extreme step(Staying Single), my focus is on few reasons that seem to be very absurd to me..
Broken Relationship: While it’s normal for people to get into a relationship, many times this relationship fails to meet the long term commitment i.e. Marriage. I have come across ppl who fall in love deeply, madly that he/she goes to any extreme to make their loved ones happy. Sadly this happiness is short-lived and many times these relationships are treated only as passing clouds by few who do not value the love that’s showered upon him/her.
When they hit reality it looks as though the world has come to a standstill and he/she starts detesting people/world simply because they aren’t able to accept the fact about their failed relationship. While this is normal to many, only few accept the reality while the rest feel that it’s no longer normal life for them and thinkfeel it’s not possible for them to love or accept any other man/woman in their life.
My Comment:
1. If you are the reason for the broken relationship, it’s good that you understand the mistake. That’s the first step toward building bridges in a relationship. Better late than never, speak to your partner and apologize if required without any ego.. Afterall its your life.. Especially for guys, you don’t have to feel ashamed for falling at her feet, since that’s going to be the way of life after marriage ;)
2. Now what if the fault is on your partner and he/she doesn’t want you in their life anymore? I feel there is no point in shedding tears for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Though easier said than done, move on with life.. Take a break, Go for an holiday, Meet your friends, Speak out with your akin, Rejoin those dance classes which you always wanted to attend, colour your wall like an Michael Angelo’s art.. Main idea is to keep yourself busy in something or the other so as to divert your attention. Who knows? You might find your better half in the dance class, music festival or in your holiday.. I can vouch for this..:)
Personal Experience: Many times we come across bad marriages within our family and friends circle. Barring love, inspite of matching horoscopes, background checks and hefty sum as dowry, many arranged marriages fail. Over a period of time we hear 2,3,4 marriages that fail due to various reasons. These external experiences also have a profound impact on our decision to stay single…
My Comment:
Never let other’s experience decide your future. You may not exactly know what happened in their lives. You might have a great opinion on your friend and you thought he is the best husband material and the girl should be lucky enough to get him… But you may not exactly know how your friend handles his personal life. Friendship & Marriage are two different entity that cannot be compared.. Never form an halo effect seeing the few characteristics of your friend.. and last thing you could do is, draw his personal life as an inspiration and decide to stay single. You should be insane. Please friends do not do this..
All said and done what’s important to keep a happy, blissful marriage life going? To answer in one word “COMPROMISE”. I believe nobody is perfect and we have to understand & accept those imperfections to lead a healthy marriage life.
Finally, no amount of reading romance books is equal to the act of falling in love. Similarly you need to get married and enjoy life. It’s always special to live life for that one special person who will not only share your joy, sorrows, happiness but also your credit card.. Lolz.. Kidding ;)
Disclaimer: Utmost care has been taken to avoid male chauvinistic remarks, however any comments that may seem to be biased towards a gender or section of society are not intentional.
While there may be various reasons for one to take this extreme step(Staying Single), my focus is on few reasons that seem to be very absurd to me..
Broken Relationship: While it’s normal for people to get into a relationship, many times this relationship fails to meet the long term commitment i.e. Marriage. I have come across ppl who fall in love deeply, madly that he/she goes to any extreme to make their loved ones happy. Sadly this happiness is short-lived and many times these relationships are treated only as passing clouds by few who do not value the love that’s showered upon him/her.
When they hit reality it looks as though the world has come to a standstill and he/she starts detesting people/world simply because they aren’t able to accept the fact about their failed relationship. While this is normal to many, only few accept the reality while the rest feel that it’s no longer normal life for them and thinkfeel it’s not possible for them to love or accept any other man/woman in their life.
My Comment:
1. If you are the reason for the broken relationship, it’s good that you understand the mistake. That’s the first step toward building bridges in a relationship. Better late than never, speak to your partner and apologize if required without any ego.. Afterall its your life.. Especially for guys, you don’t have to feel ashamed for falling at her feet, since that’s going to be the way of life after marriage ;)
2. Now what if the fault is on your partner and he/she doesn’t want you in their life anymore? I feel there is no point in shedding tears for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Though easier said than done, move on with life.. Take a break, Go for an holiday, Meet your friends, Speak out with your akin, Rejoin those dance classes which you always wanted to attend, colour your wall like an Michael Angelo’s art.. Main idea is to keep yourself busy in something or the other so as to divert your attention. Who knows? You might find your better half in the dance class, music festival or in your holiday.. I can vouch for this..:)
Personal Experience: Many times we come across bad marriages within our family and friends circle. Barring love, inspite of matching horoscopes, background checks and hefty sum as dowry, many arranged marriages fail. Over a period of time we hear 2,3,4 marriages that fail due to various reasons. These external experiences also have a profound impact on our decision to stay single…
My Comment:
Never let other’s experience decide your future. You may not exactly know what happened in their lives. You might have a great opinion on your friend and you thought he is the best husband material and the girl should be lucky enough to get him… But you may not exactly know how your friend handles his personal life. Friendship & Marriage are two different entity that cannot be compared.. Never form an halo effect seeing the few characteristics of your friend.. and last thing you could do is, draw his personal life as an inspiration and decide to stay single. You should be insane. Please friends do not do this..
All said and done what’s important to keep a happy, blissful marriage life going? To answer in one word “COMPROMISE”. I believe nobody is perfect and we have to understand & accept those imperfections to lead a healthy marriage life.
Finally, no amount of reading romance books is equal to the act of falling in love. Similarly you need to get married and enjoy life. It’s always special to live life for that one special person who will not only share your joy, sorrows, happiness but also your credit card.. Lolz.. Kidding ;)
10 comments:
Rajesh,
Very useful topic for people like me!Years ago I belonged to those dozen and thought why should one marry when he can be happy all alone! But after twists and turns I understand that life is not worth living without problems and u will run out of them if you dont marry:)
Jokes apart I agree with your points..marriage is about bearing a person as he/she and once u make the commitment its about the two and never about anyone of the two. Sometimes there are wrong combination but there is nothing wrong in doing a re-permutation after it.
Finally I liked your "you have to be in it to know it" verdict and I wish as a senior you will be in it soon and forewarn me about the things to do and not to do in one of your advanced projects:)
Ah, words from a wise man! Agree with all that you said. Written well, but thought the ending was abrupt. Did you have more to say? N whats that part about your better half? Never asked you your marital status...Should i?;)
Wonderful topic rajesh!!!
I totally agree with your comments on broken relationship. There is yet another factor that prevents them to move on...guess what?? it is the fear of failure!!! people create their own scotomas from the lessons they have learnt from their past relationship.I enjoyed reading the last lines..."no amount of reading romance books is equal to the act of falling in love" LOL
Hey Rajesh...U had asked me to read your blogs for a long time...sometimes I do sometimes I don't (not that i was ignoring, it just went past my mind). Ok here I read one of your blog and really inspired to leave a comment. I like the style of writing. Jealous that you could speak your thoughts aloud here.
Coming to this topic I totally agree that marriage is a fruitful commitment to shape yourself and live life for a worthy someone. But then we cannot completely ignore the other side of the coin. Some self-reliant people do find happiness and contentment on living single, else why would they opt to it. These are people who strongly believe that they cannot compromise their duties for another person or in a more better way, they do not want to put another being in test with their compatibility. So no one to blame and no one to complain that you don't do dishes :)
Dear Rajesh,
Banu and Kamala Manohari have said it nicely. What you seek in LIFE is what you get it - MOSTLY.
You need a compass to guide your journey but it becomes less significant after you reach the destination. In the same way the experience of others can throw us light but every one's LIFE is exclusive.
You can marry any one in this world , provided there is LOVE, COMPASSION and the Energy to live in the present - Moment to Moment without your past overshadowing you. This is applicable to marriage as well - Bye for now shall continue later.
Regards
Ravi
Dear Rajesh,
This posting reflects your wholehearted observation and compassion on fellow beings. Staying single is tough; staying ‘double’ or ‘in relationship’ is tougher…. but not impossible. When you are single, your boundaries are defined by you and you could manage it very well. But when you go ‘double’ they overlap and this overlapping areas needs sensible management. It cannot be managed or ‘com-promised’ by one person alone; it has to be done mutually. All frictions and fights happen here; attitude and emotional management plays a major role. I now request you to talk to people who have been ‘double’ for long, and write your observations in comparison to this blog. Keep blogging!
Nice Blog Machan but some how felt that u wanted to write a lot but curbed urself to please ur audience :)
everyone who has commented in ur blog are they from toastmasters ????
we should cut this disclaimer crap from our next blog...
Well expressed opinions. I don't agree with the use of a couple of phrases / words, like "bad marriage", as no marriage is bad, only thing we handle it badly. Other one, instead of "Compromise", it would be better said, "adjustment". I feel "compromise" has a bit of negative meaning in this context. Looking forward to your wedding invitation (I presume, you are still SINGLE :) )- TM Venkata Ramana
Hi rajesh:)
i luved this article and you expressed your views clearly,additionally my view about failure in marraige is the compatability between the partners,if one is going to be a free thinker and other lives by lot of rules(conservativeness)conflict of thoughts happen!a good marriage relies more in opentalk and being vulnerable to each other:)
Well written post, Rajesh. Liked the way you have analyzed the situation. and, given your suggestion as well.
Good blog! Keep it on.
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